whatever freaking day it is: i've lost track

Dear dude at Steak 'n Shake:
My grandmother can serve thanksgiving dinner to 47 people faster than you can get me a sandwich and mocha shake. You ought to be doing a little better to deserve your awesome hat. Is it really so hard? You made me sit in your freezing restaurant, in short sleeves, still wet and cold from swim practice, staring across the table at one of my current "least tolerable people in the world" contenders, and on top of that your forgot the straws. Not cool.
Also, man in the 18-wheeler, you set an example to all other cars on the street. If you could just let out a little honk when there's a ton of children crowding around me, listening to my ipod in the cold, holding pro-life signs, and asking you to honk, the least you could do is honk. we're extremely disappointed in you. Also, you need to wash your truck.