Gilgamesh

Guess what?!
No, really, it’s not that hard to guess.
I gave my mom three guesses and she got it one the second. The first thing she guessed was that I was late for class. Which was also true, but anyway...

I have to write an essay proving that the Epic of Gilgamesh was a true story! And that’s not cool!

First off, I hate the epic. I have since third grade. So I didn’t even want to read it, much less write an essay proving that it really happened. I don’t think it did. So basically these teachers are trying to get me to write a 1000 word lie. Exactly what is that going to teach me to do in the real world? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Great moral upbringing I’m getting, huh?
They’re basically asking me to ignore over half the story (the half that makes it obvious that it did not happen) and concentrate on the slightly possible parts. So I pretty much have to ignore Enkidu. Or, as I prefer to call him, Inkydoodles. No goddess in her right mind would make a tall, strong, wild man and name him Enkidu. That’s like naming Cerberus Sir Fluffles. It just doesn’t work.
Also, there’s no way that the priestess could have tamed him in that short of a time span. Trust me, I’m still working on my dad. (Just kidding. It’s more of the other way around. To this day I refuse to make my bed, much less eat my pizza with a fork and knife)
How do you smell a rose underwater? Last I checked, you can’t smell underwater. And trying is not a good idea. Your can trust me on that, I do it often enough.
If I were dead, and a living guy came and started talking to me, I probably wouldn’t be too mad at him for dressing better than I did. I might be jealous that he was alive, but I think that I would probably let his fancy clothes go. Particularly if he brought some Death by Chocolate ice cream. I don’t think that they serve ice cream in Hell.
Last but not least, how do you get to be two thirds god and one third human? I can see half and half, but I’m honestly not sure how the genes could split in such a way so as to make you two thirds god and one third human. There’s probably some logical explanation involving a lot of math and distant ancestors that I’m too lazy to figure out, but the storyteller could have saved himself a lot of trouble explaining to little Syrian children how Gilgamesh could have had three parents by just saying he was half and half.
Anyway, it might be more productive to actually start writing the report rather than complaining about it. So I’m going to go get myself a sandwich and start to do that.