I'm sorry, blogger, but tumblr is better.

http://scribbleouttheflyleaf.tumblr.com

see?  on tumblr, you reblog stuff without feeling like a plagaristic hypocrite.
(and there goes any chance of the google people being nice to me)

i wish I lived in a city.

I went to St. Louis yesterday (which, yes, I understand doesn't count as a huge city, but anyway) and I seriously wished I lived in a big city.  Not right now.  Not with six siblings, strict parents, and the like, but when I'm older, I'm going to get a gorgeous flat, in the middle of New York, and I will have a library, concerts, art shows, museums, classes, and noodles at my disposal.  There'll be a photograph waiting to happen wherever I look, and I can walk through the street singing and dancing and eating noodles and nobody will call the police.

I'm perfectly aware that this is not entirely realistic.  but I can dream, yes?

what I love about email.

1. you can have 30 conversations at once without getting confused.
2. you can abruptly change topics without seeming rude.
3. you can send pictures, or links, or copy and paste the story you're writing or whatever, and I don't have to listen to you talk about it or try to find it on your cellphone.  saves us both some time.
4.  when you don't want to talk to somebody, they're bound to pop up at the store.  If you don't want to email somebody, they'll email you.  the difference is, you can get away with throwing an email in the trash bin, while picking up the person and throwing them in a dumpster in public is a bit more difficult.
5. it's private.
6. you can set filters to automatically delete messages from certain people, with the words "forward, quiz, or this is crazy cool!!!" in the subject line.
7. graffiti background.

I'm finally DONE

okay, so I thought that 30 day challenge would be a good idea, but I'm very relieved that it's over.  I would much rather blog about the weird people that go to the gym at 8:30 pm and juice.  So remind me to never do one of those things again. 

who i am

I'm just me.  But that doesn't really help, now does it? 
      I am... a rocker.  an artist.  a student.  a swimmer.  a friend.  a sister.  a daughter.  a prankster.  a rebel.  a writer.  an organizer.  a reader.  an eater.  a maniac.  I argue, I contradict, I annoy.  I joke, I laugh, I make others laugh.  I listen, I counsel, I comfort.  I work, I sweat, I succeed.  I lead, I rebel, I ignore.  I follow, I trust, I accept.  I think, I wonder, I cry.  I eat, I drink, I'm merry.  I sing, I dance, I'm joyful.  And, if you give me enough sugar, I might even give you me deluxe Jonas Brother fan impersonation.   But, in a way that has no english adjective, I'm me.  I'm punk, I'm emo, I'm nerd, I'm annoying, I'm a clown, I'm artsy, I'm weird, I'm an athlete.  I've been called all these things and more, but I don't believe it.
      somebody said "generalizations are a necessary evil." I most emphatically agree.  without them, we'd be even more confused than we already are.  But with them, people ask you to generalize yourself.  I've been living with myself for almost fifteen years.  I've seen myself dancing in fluffy pink dresses, I've seen myself put people in choke-holds while playing water polo.  I've seen myself do over a thousand situps without stopping, and I've seen myself spend hours on a couch with popcorn and a tv.  I enjoy dressing up for fancy events, I enjoy running around in ripped jeans, ratty sneakers, and oversize t-shirts.  I like drawing, listening to music, and watching emotional movies.  I also love arguing, writing essays, and planning world domination.  I will spend an hour playing with my little brother, and then I'll be neverendingly annoyed with little kids. 
       The point being, I'm just me.  You can't ask me to define myself and expect to automatically understand me by reading my answer.  I will take a lifetime to understand, and even then you might not get me.  I enjoy that my personality is conflicting, that I can enjoy both math and art, that I can confuse people without even trying.  And most of all, I love noodles.

what i've learned in the past month.

1: it's a good idea to proofread your essays before you hand them in.

2: pastels are a ton easier than oil pastels.

3: if you bring a picture to model off of, and it creeps your art teacher out, you'll do a 20 minute sketch of it.  If you don't bring one, she'll pick an ugly hummingbird for you and you'll waste two months on an oil pastel of it.

4: you might be able to get away with some things.  But if it involves missing homework, your parents will find out.

5: parking in the middle of the road is a bad idea, because as soon as you get out of the car, the previously deserted road will fill up with old ladies.

6: old ladies are only cute when they're not mad at you.

7: you can read summaries of a book and you will completely understand anything that anybody in the real world will ask you about the book.  But you'll get a 17% on the quiz.

8: when doing reports on various sorts of mushrooms found around your house, "I fed it to my brother and this, this, and this happened" is not the sort of "scientific observation" your teacher was looking for.

9: don't turn in the rough draft of your lab report, particularly when there's paramecium water all over it.

A picture of me last year and now, and how I've changed since then.

That was me last year. Holding Canadian bacon. I'm sorry, I just can't find one with my face showing. I was going through a "oh my gosh don't you dare point that camera at me" phase (scratch that, I still don't like other people taking pictures of me, but that's because it usually involves trying to get 7 kids to smile simultaneously. Which is easy when watching Mr. Bean, but not so easy when looking at a camera for an hour.

Anyway, last year wasn't a good year, but it wasn't a bad year. I started taking classes online, with Regina Coeli Academy, and I met some really awesome people there. To be quite honest, it's awesome. I also joined a great youth group, and got good at butterfly, and other than that it was pretty boring.

And that's me this year.

2010 has made a huge improvement in my life, and it's also been a pretty crappy year.  If that makes any sense.
I moved up a level in swimming (highest level available, yay me) gained like 15 pounds, which I'm not proud of but working on, and spent a week at the amazing Camp Ondessonk.  I've made a ton of progress with my schoolwork (though I don't like my classes this year as much as I did last year) and hugely improved my taste in music and art.  Its creepier now, but a lot more interesting.  Also, I've been pretty depressed these past few months.  My parents and I are drifting apart, and some of my friends, too, and I swear if I don't get out of this house soon I will strangle my little sister.  I feel smothered.  But I know that what's happening is hard, but it's not bad.  It's going to build my character and make me stronger, even if I consciously avoid being left alone in a room with both my parents.  I've made some hard choices, and I've given a ton of thought to some things that weren't that important to me a year ago.  I feel like I'm starting to find my place in this world.  And I must say, it feels good.